Show offUnfortunately, we are not all born grandmothers. And while we new fathers concern ourselves with the important things of child-rearing, we forget to take the class on Baby Holding. And there you are, presented with your cuddly newborn baby and you look at your nurse like she's holding a bear cub. Sure, it's cute and all, but you don't want to hold it or anything. And then you realize that your child isn't, in fact, a bear and that you are obliged to hold it. What do you do?
What do you do?
Well, I am here to offer you simple instructions on how to reach for and hold your baby so that you don't come off looking like its brother or anything.
STEP 1 - Get To Know Your Baby
For amateurs, this step may take a while. Basically, you want to observe your child from afar, taking note of his or her size and weight. Will it be similar to lugging around a splintery log, or toting a bowling ball?
Get a feel for its movements. A newborn may be quite squirmy, like a baby crocodile, or quite sedate, like a drugged koala.
Ingrain his or her name into your head and visualize what it will be like having this small human in your arms, 8 inches from your face. If you don't know what his or her likes are yet, make something up and pretend he or she is a certain way. While holding your infant isn't a game, you need to be prepared for anything.
STEP 2 - Get To Know Yourself
Sure, you know the basics: your name, birthday, and address. But you may have to dig down deep before accepting the responsibility of holding your offspring. How do you feel about your child? Are you nervous? Excited? Anxious? Scared out of your mind? Are you still thinking about how your favorite team lost last night, or, God forbid, how you did on your high school English paper? Do you really want to hold your baby?
STEP 3 - Assess Your Surroundings
If you are going to be mobile while holding your baby, you need to take note of the various obstacles hindering your path. Look for tables, chairs, other people, or small animals. Make sure you have a plan should anything jump out and attack you.
I suggest finding a comfortable seating area for your first baby holding. This eliminates any careless tripping, although it does make you more vulnerable to surprise attacks.
STEP 4 - Decide On Your Method
You may be overwhelmed with the myriad ways you've seen people hold an infant. There's the cradle hold, the football hold, the over-the-shoulder hold, the lioness hold, etc. Before you even reach for your baby, you should have a general understanding of how you plan to hold it. You can always tell an amateur by the way he can't decide on his left or right arm position: he kind of stands there in place, almost dancing the Robot while his family looks on in disappointment.
Once you know what you want to do, tell your hand-off partner how you'd like he or she to hand the baby over.
STEP 5 - Reach For Your Baby
Don't just pick a holding method and hope your hand-off partner places the baby in the exact position. The trade-off is accomplished successfully with both participators. Actively reach out and grab onto the tiny human.
STEP 6 - Hold Your Baby With Pride
If you have made it this far, be proud. While you may not feel at ease holding something you did or didn't want in the first place, it has taken a lot of planning and will power to be in the situation you now find yourself. Smile, be happy, let the distractions in the room fade out as you bask in your successful effort. As a bonus, direct some of your happiness and pride toward your child. Talk to him or her, using its name. Don't worry if you don't know what to say just yet. Baby talk will come as you perfect steps 1 and 2.
Do not inhibit your child from moving. Instead, maintain a firm hold on the infant, adjusting as needed to compensate for its reflexive jerks. As the legendary rock group .38 Special once said, you need to "hold on loosely, but don't let go. If you cling too tightly, you're gonna lose control."
These are words to live by.
For amateurs, this step may take a while. Basically, you want to observe your child from afar, taking note of his or her size and weight. Will it be similar to lugging around a splintery log, or toting a bowling ball?
Get a feel for its movements. A newborn may be quite squirmy, like a baby crocodile, or quite sedate, like a drugged koala.
Ingrain his or her name into your head and visualize what it will be like having this small human in your arms, 8 inches from your face. If you don't know what his or her likes are yet, make something up and pretend he or she is a certain way. While holding your infant isn't a game, you need to be prepared for anything.
STEP 2 - Get To Know Yourself
Sure, you know the basics: your name, birthday, and address. But you may have to dig down deep before accepting the responsibility of holding your offspring. How do you feel about your child? Are you nervous? Excited? Anxious? Scared out of your mind? Are you still thinking about how your favorite team lost last night, or, God forbid, how you did on your high school English paper? Do you really want to hold your baby?
STEP 3 - Assess Your Surroundings
If you are going to be mobile while holding your baby, you need to take note of the various obstacles hindering your path. Look for tables, chairs, other people, or small animals. Make sure you have a plan should anything jump out and attack you.
I suggest finding a comfortable seating area for your first baby holding. This eliminates any careless tripping, although it does make you more vulnerable to surprise attacks.
STEP 4 - Decide On Your Method
You may be overwhelmed with the myriad ways you've seen people hold an infant. There's the cradle hold, the football hold, the over-the-shoulder hold, the lioness hold, etc. Before you even reach for your baby, you should have a general understanding of how you plan to hold it. You can always tell an amateur by the way he can't decide on his left or right arm position: he kind of stands there in place, almost dancing the Robot while his family looks on in disappointment.
Once you know what you want to do, tell your hand-off partner how you'd like he or she to hand the baby over.
STEP 5 - Reach For Your Baby
Don't just pick a holding method and hope your hand-off partner places the baby in the exact position. The trade-off is accomplished successfully with both participators. Actively reach out and grab onto the tiny human.
STEP 6 - Hold Your Baby With Pride
If you have made it this far, be proud. While you may not feel at ease holding something you did or didn't want in the first place, it has taken a lot of planning and will power to be in the situation you now find yourself. Smile, be happy, let the distractions in the room fade out as you bask in your successful effort. As a bonus, direct some of your happiness and pride toward your child. Talk to him or her, using its name. Don't worry if you don't know what to say just yet. Baby talk will come as you perfect steps 1 and 2.
Do not inhibit your child from moving. Instead, maintain a firm hold on the infant, adjusting as needed to compensate for its reflexive jerks. As the legendary rock group .38 Special once said, you need to "hold on loosely, but don't let go. If you cling too tightly, you're gonna lose control."
These are words to live by.
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